I nev­er want­ed to do this in the first place! I . . . I want­ed to be . . .

a lum­ber­jack!

[pi­ano vamp]

Leap­ing from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of British Co­lum­bia! With my best girl by my side!
The Larch!
The Pine!
The Gi­ant Red­wood tree!
The Se­quoia!
The Lit­tle Whop­ping Rule Tree!
We’d sing! Sing! Sing!

Oh, I’m a lum­ber­jack, and I’m okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

[Cho­rus] He’s a lum­ber­jack, and he’s okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the la­va‐​try.
On Wednes­days I go shop­pin’
And have but­tered scones for tea.

Moun­ties. He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the la­va‐​try.
On Wednes­days ’e goes shop­pin’
And has but­tered scones for tea.


I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flow­ers.
I put on women’s cloth­ing,
And hang around in bars.

Moun­ties. He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flow­ers.
He puts on women’s cloth­ing
And hangs around . . . In bars???????


I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Sus­penders and a bra.
I wish I’d been a girlie
Just like my dear pa­pa.

Moun­ties. He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Sus­penders and a . . . a Bra????
[spo­ken, ragged­ly] What’s this? Wants to be a girlie?
Oh, My! And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!


All. He’s a lum­ber­jack, and he’s okaaaaaaayyy . . . [BONG]

[Sound Cue: The Lib­er­ty Bell March, by John Phillip Sousa.]