There are Jews in the world, there are Bud­dists,
There are Hin­dus and Mor­mons and then
There are those that fol­low Mo­ham­mad, but
I’ve nev­er been one of them.

I’m a Ro­man Catholic,
And have been since be­fore I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.

You don’t have to be a six foot­er,
You don’t have to have a great brain,
You don’t have to have any clothes on,
You’re a Catholic the mo­ment Dad came, be­cause

Every sperm is sa­cred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wast­ed,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sa­cred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wast­ed,
God gets quite irate.

Let the hea­then spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can’t be found.

Every sperm is want­ed,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is need­ed,
In your neigh­bor­hood.

Hin­du, Taoist, Mor­man,
Spill theirs just any­where,
But God loves those who treat their
Se­men with more care.

Every sperm is sa­cred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wast­ed,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sa­cred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is need­ed,
In your neigh­bor­hood.

Every sperm is use­ful,
Every sperm is fine,
God needs every­body’s,
Mine, and mine, and mine.

Let the pa­gans spill theirs,
O’er moun­tain, hill and plain.
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that’s spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sa­cred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is need­ed,
In your neigh­bor­hood.

Every sperm is sa­cred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wast­ed,
God gets quite irate.