Man. Morn­ing.

Wait­ress. Morn­ing.

M. Well, what you got?

W. Well, there’s egg and ba­con; egg, sausage and ba­con; egg and spam; egg, ba­con and spam; egg, ba­con, sausage and spam; spam, ba­con, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, ba­con and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, ba­con, spam, toma­to and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; [vikings start singing in back­ground] spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.

Vikings. Spam, spam , spam, spam, love­ly spam, love­ly spam.

W. [cont.] or lob­ster ther­mador ecrovets with a béar­naise sause, served in the pur­ple salm manor with chalots and over­shies, gar­nashed with truf­fle pate, brandy, a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife. Have you got any­thing with­out spam?

Wait­ress. Well, there’s spam, egg, sausage and spam. That’s not got much spam in it.

Wi. I don’t want any spam!

M. Why can’t she have egg, ba­con, spam and sausage?

Wi. That’s got spam in it.

M. It hasn’t got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage and spam has it?

Wi. [over vikings start­ing again] Could you do me egg, ba­con, spam and sausage with­out the spam then?

Wa. Ech!

Wi. What do you mean ech! I don’t like spam!

V. Love­ly spam, won­der­ful spam . . . etc.

Wa. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bloody vikings. You can’t have egg, ba­con spam and sausage with­out the spam.

Wi. I don’t like spam!

M. Sh dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your spam. I love it. I’m hav­ing spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. [starts vikings off again]

V. Love­ly spam, won­der­ful spam . . . etc.

Wa. Shut up! Baked beans are off.

M. Well, can I have her spam in­stead of the baked beans?

Wa. You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam?

V. Love­ly spam, won­der­ful spam . . . etc. . . . spam, spam, spam! [in har­mo­ny]