[King Arthur and his knights of the round ta­ble, along with their ser­vants, “ride” up to a cas­tle. King Arthur’s ser­vant, Pat­sy, blows a horn.]





[An ar­mor‐​clad face ap­pears at the top of the ram­part. It speaks in an out­ra­geous French ac­cent.]

Sol­dier. ’Al­lo! ’Oo is it?

Arthur. It is I, King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Ta­ble. Whose cas­tle is this?

S. This is the cas­tle of my mas­ter, Guy de Lom­bard.

A. Go and tell your mas­ter that we have been charged by God with a sa­cred quest. If he will give us food and shel­ter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

S. Well, I’ll ask ’im, but I don’t think ’e’ll be very keen⁠—​’e’s al­ready got one, you see?

A. What?

Lancelot. He says they’ve al­ready got one!

A. [con­fused] Are you sure he’s got one?

S. Oh yes, it’s ver’ naahs.
[to the oth­er sol­diers] I told ’em we’ve al­ready got one!
[they snick­er]

A. [tak­en a bit off bal­ance] Well . . . ah, um . . . Can we come up and have a look?

S. Of course not! You are Eng­lish types.

A. Well, what are you then?

S. [In­dig­nant] Ah’m French! Why do you think I have this out‐​rrra­geous ac­cent, you sil­ly king?!

A. What are you do­ing in Eng­land?

S. Mind your own busi­ness!

A. If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your cas­tle by force!

S. You don’t fright­en us, Eng­lish pig‐​dogs! Go and boil your bot­toms, son of a sil­ly per­son! Ah blow my nose at you, so‐​called “Arthur Keeeng”! You and all your sil­ly Eng­lish Knnnnnnnn‐​ighuts!!!

[The sol­dier pro­ceeds to bang on his hel­met with his hands and stick out his tongue at the knights, mak­ing strange nois­es.]

Lancelot. What a strange per­son.

A. [get­ting mad] Now look here, my good ma⁠—​

S. Ah don’ wan­na talk to you no more, you emp­ty‐​head­ed an­i­mal food‐​trough wiper! Ah fart in your gen­er­al di­rec­tion! Your moth­er was a ham­ster, and your fa­ther smelt of el­der­ber­ries!

Gala­had. Is there some­one else up there we can talk to?

S. No!! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a sec­ond time!

does any­body know the rest of the scene?
We’re work­ing on it now.
To be con­tin­ued . . .